I remember a time when the snow lay thick on the trace and
You could smell the pine and juniper on our breath...
Almost.
And like frost, our shadows blotted the windows of my Highgate flat.
We waited. Myself as a church bell...you as a ticking time bomb.

Your daughter was born on Christmas Eve.
Jessy was tiny with brown curls and sad eyes...
She was stunning, and from day one
I was wrapped around her sweet little finger.

Contrariwise, you weren't ready.
How can I be a father? you asked with your eyes closed,
And your fingers pressed to your forehead.

That bitch. you whispered...and
muttered something about gold-diggers at
Christmastime.

I remember, clear as spring that you stowed your
IT'S A GIRL! cigar in the pocket of your hounds tooth coat that night.
....Said she was a cross to bear.

I disagreed.
Remember Christmas night? We boxed like
Gents in the street amidst the light snow
And glow of holiday tungsten.
You were drunk and....

Hey Charlie! You got a wife and kid. What do I have?!
Tell me Charlie Banes! You gonna pull this shit on your own baby?
Happy Christmas you bitch.
Howsabout we trade eh? A pipe and a matchbox for your nice family.
Eh Banes?

You turned in your slick oxfords
Doing an about-face in the sludge.
Your winterblue eyes now like Svalbard,
You slurred a drunken curse on your dead daddy
And the rest was sparring through tears and shadow.

Nobody need know the outcome. Not really...
But I won.